Spelling the Vacuum is the protagonist of our tale, but he rarely takes an active role. Leaving the actual work to those with arms, Spelling enjoys having sex and warping the fragile mind of his young son. But perhaps, behind his carefree attitude, the desire to achieve something more than mere titular glory plagues his thoughts. One wonders if, perhaps, the taste of glory he had as the Errant One was not enough...

Wife and lover of Spelling, Dictionary the Vacuum is loyal but easily irritated. Although Spelling's lack of parental talent does annoy her, she can't claim any fuzzy feelings for their "little bastard" either, so she mostly lets it slide. Rather slutty, Dictionary is always up for bedroom fun--unless, of course, they are in Hell. Again.

Spelling's first and most loyal companion. Stooge's vast knowledge of the laws of the comic book narrative allow the characters to survive anything the plot can throw at them, but his obsessive crush on The Jew may someday distract him enough to leave everyone screwed. After a rocky childhood full of thuggery and beatings, Stooge became meek and geeky in high school and gave up his life as a bully. Stooge is a genius, having acquired an IQ of 284 after a lab accident.

The Fairy of Good Grammar is a reformed member of the Villains Versus Vacuums society. He is the bearer of the Grammar Wand, a magical artifact that once held the power to create and collapse entire universes. He is saddened by the dulled power of grammar--a problem ignited by the brain-numbing powers of the Internet--but his duties with Spelling and crew distract him from becoming too depressed about it.

When The Jew slips on her badass cloak, it's time for the bad guys to run. Unless, of course, she's dead, which was true for about a year until Stooge finally rescued her from the horrors of Heaven, which is actually pretty boring after the pride wears off. Shunning Stooge's blatant attempts to get in her pants, The Jew enjoys playing with her parrot, Petey, and practicing with her superheroic Jew powers.

Salonga is the leader of the Frog Princesses. She instructs Patalma, the younger Frog Princess, in the ways of the Frog, but mostly she is insane. Many of the things she says make no sense, and when she does make sense, she feels dirty and is compelled to follow up her outbursts of sanity with more insanity than was formerly considered possible. She is also usually willing to show you her boobs.

Once only a trainee, Patalma became a full Frog Princess when Ranas was killed. Fond of puppies, coloring, kitties, Bingo, and puppies, Patalma can be a little annoying but always comes in handy when magic is needed. But only once a day, and then only for five minutes. She also has the power to perform spectacularly incompetent healing spells. She's cute and bouncy, though.

Before Spelling defeated him, English the Lamp was the leader--and the last active member--of the Villains Versus Vacuums society. Although leadership of an inactive organization is nothing to brag about, English managed to convince himself that he was an evil genius. Of course, his time was short, so if someday he manages to return, his inner evil genius may actually shine through...Get it? Shine? Because he's a lamp?

After the end of his life as the evil, power hungry Feline Avenger, Bono reincarnated in what he quickly realized was a gay body. Still consumed by his villainous urges--but also an uncontrollable love of Broadway Musicals and taking it up the pooper--Bono stole the Grammar Wand in a disastrous attempt to forge his own universe. Thanks to the powers of The Errant One, Bono is currently dead, but his underlings Sneeze and Neko are working hard to bring him back...


The man behind this whole vacuum comic thing. He's twenty-one, an English major, Iowan, and, at the time of this writing, ought to shave.